Outfits

A True Adventurer

August 24, 2016
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Sometimes you feel like you need to go on an adventure. But it’s quite hard, you know… All the continents are already discovered, all the cultures are known. You can google any-fucking-thing. There’s simply no mystery left in the world!

“So what do I do?” you ask yourself.

Well, first of all, you need to stop chewing those horrible gummy-bears, which you’ve been eating non-stop for a week, but still keep shamelessly lying to yourself that “it’s just a little treat”. Be a man, admit that you have a serious gummy-bear addiction. You then need to close your laptop (like you mean it!), stand in the middle of your tiny apartment, most probably, on top of the bed, vigorously tie up the belt of your bath robe (which you stole from that inadequately expensive hotel last summer – in your face, you dirty capitalists!),  and say one thing out loud and clear… “FUCK YOU, GOOGLE!”

There. Now, when you feel better, when you feel like a true explorer, you need to dress like one as quickly as possible. Pick the stuff, from which you’d be able produce something at least remotely resembling a “going-on-a-adventure” outfit. Don’t know what an adventure outfit looks like? Not a problem! Just goog… Goddammit! No! You heard what I said before, you stupid Google! I mean it!

Okay, have you watched “Indiana Jones”? Doesn’t matter what part! Any part will do! How long ago? 20 years ago?! Dammit. Do you remember the way that dude dressed? No? Okay, do you remember anything? C’mon, buddy, give me something!… A hat! That’s right he was wearing a fedora hat! That’s good, we can work with that!

So, find that hat, put it on, and get the fuck out of the house.

Let the Great Adventure begin!

(Just go to the park, or something. Seriously, man, it’s not healthy watching “Breaking Bad” 8 days in a row…)

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A crushable fedora is what a real adventurer needs. Just fold it the right way and put it in your suitcase. Same goes for the unstructured blazer. No shoulder pads – no problems.

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Who said you need suspenders to keep your pants in place? Don’t be a fool, man! Just get the pants of the size that you actually need, genius, and use the suspenders in a meaningless, but such a pretty way!

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This rock seems good enough for my mean boots.

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You probably think that I’m cursing at someone at this particular moment. Well, you’re a hard person to fool. I’m always cursing at someone. Something from my childhood, I guess…

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Okay, it’s time to go home. I kinda want to finish that pack of gummy-bears…

 

Shop similar:

Jack & Jones Slim Fit White Jeans – $77

Reclaimed Vintage Fedora – $85

ASOS Double Breasted Blazer – $85

Acne Studios Cotton T-Shirt – $115

Marsell Combat Boots – $647

ASOS Pocket Square – $8.50

Reclaimed Vintage Suspenders – $26.00

 

Photography by: Max Lemesh

 

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