Nature is a Bitch

November 25, 2016

Mother Nature is a bitch. All those tsunamis, hurricanes, earth quakes… Fuck that, man. Not cool, Nature. We don’t want all that weather related nonsense.

All we wanna do is have fun and look dope, you know? We wanna wear cool clothes and clean shoes without any worries. We’re okay with global warming, as long as it’s not TOO warm. How else are we gonna do all that layering stuff otherwise, I ask you?

No, Nature, it doesn’t work like this. Keep your hysteria to yourself. We all need to deal with our issues. Don’t make others pay for your unstable behaviour.

For instance, what’s up with all that humidity lately, huh? The eyelets on my new hand-made sneakers got rusty within two weeks because of that shit! What do you have to say about that? How am I supposed to look in the eyes of my fellow fashionistas now?

I’m gonna say this just once, Nature. Don’t try to fuck with my sartorial reputation. Otherwise, there will be consequences. You love when I post those pretty pictures of me and you on my Instagram, don’t you? All those palm leaves, and walks in the bush, and seagulls floating up in the skies, with puffy clouds on the background… Well, sort your shit out, Nature, or I’m gonna start posting pics of Kim Kardashian’s ass instead. I mean it.

Be nice, Nature, seriously. Get a hobby, or something. And stop being such a bitch!

Know not only how to wear the patterns on your clothes, but also how to wear the patterns around you.


Safety pin. For being safe in the bush.


If the clothes on you are plain, add some patterned accessories. Like this bag, for example.


When you’re just stepped out of the bush, stay alert – there’re still may be some dangerous things around you. Like last time I bumped into 30 really old ladies coming to a high-tea party held in the winter gardens. I had to explain how to get there to every single one of them…twice. Brrrr! Still getting goose bumps when I think of it…


You need to look twice doper up-close. Make sure you tie your trench coat’s belt the right way and that your belt game is strong.


Layering, homie… Go hard with it, before this lame global warming fucks the whole thing up.


Shop similar:

ASOS Double Breasted Trench Coat – $98

Tom Ford White Pinned-Collar Cotton Shirt – $570

Incotex Washed Chino – $239

O’Keeffe Black Leather Boots – $645

ASOS Black Leather Belt – $20

Ted Baker Bag – $241

Nuur Cardigan – $249


Photography by: Max Lemesh



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